Grand Prix Eurovision de la Chanson Européenne 2006

OK, the Rasmus-Klingons won for the obvious reasons, but let's focus on the real stuff:

My favorite entry was from the UK, which had at least a neat choreography and a nice refrain. God knows, why this yellowish guy had to snoop around there, I guess he wanted to grab his chance as a Busta Rhymes impostor, but, sadly he ain't the real deal.

I also didn't mind the German entry this time, although their choreography was hideous, with the front madam swirling her arm around in a manner that is reminiscent of the stereotypical eager beaver school girl.

Finally, I'm glad that Severina with her Balkan antics stuck it up some of her nationalist compatriots, who claim to be so Mitteleuropa. I never understood, what's so good about grumpy waiters serving yucky stew on the backdrop of humpapa Schlagers in the first place?

While the competition for the worst entry was, as always, fierce, let me mention a few standouts: Israel fielded of all things some sort of a church choir? What was that about?

Ralph Siegel and Bernd Meinunger, who for decades aimed at gaining Germany the worst possible musicula reputation for some reason abandoned their laudable project and cruelly descended onto Switzerland. Their entry gets the golden lemon, although Mr. Eyebrow from Malta gave them a run for the money.

In terms of sloppyness, Moldova's entry crafted by the guy from O-Zone needs to be mentioned: What was he thinking? That changing a bikini is a sufficient effort?

The prize for sloppiest performance goes, however, to Las Ketchup, the Spanish entry. C'mon, girls, you haven't rehearsed that song once. Any random outfit assembled on a the beach in Santander would have done a better job. But, as Terry Wogan concisely commented: "I think the Spaniards just don't care any longer."

Apropos Wogan, I don't know, if the Continental Europeans know, but to watch the show with Terry Wogan's sarcastic commentary, it's a treat, despite its dubious musical credentials; I just hope the "amazingly" poor Maria Menuous will never have to hear his comments.

Katie Melua

Need I say more?